INSTITUT FÜR MATHEMATIK UND WISSENSCHAFTLICHES RECHNEN
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# Humor in der Mathematik

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And Noah said to the animals: "Go forth and multiply!"
But the adders came to Noah and said: "But we cannot multiply, we are adders."
Then Noah went out and chopped down some trees and built a table of logs. And he showed it to the adders and said: "Look, I have built you a table of logs! Now you adders can multiply!"

#### Two male mathematicians in a bar:

The first mathematician says to the second that the average person knows very little about basic mathematics.
The second one disagrees, and claims that most people can cope with a reasonable amount of math.
The first mathematician goes off to the washroom, and in his absence the second calls over the waitress.
He tells her that in a few minutes, after his friend has returned, he will call her over and ask her a question.
All she has to do is answer: `one third x cubed'.
She repeats `one thir -- dex cue'? He repeats `one third x cubed'.
Her: `one thir dex cuebd'? Yes, that's right, he says.
So she agrees, and goes off mumbling to herself, `one thir dex cuebd...'.
The first guy returns and the second proposes a bet to prove his point, that most people do know something about basic math. He says he will ask the blonde waitress an integral, and the first laughingly agrees.
The second man calls over the waitress and asks `what is the integral of x squared?'.
The waitress says `one third x cubed' and while walking away, turns back and says over her shoulder `plus a constant'!

#### All life is math:

One attractive young businesswoman to another, over lunch: My life is all math. I am trying to add to my income, subtract from my weight, divide my time, and avoid multiplying.

A ten year old boy was failing math. His parents tried everything from tutors to hypnosis, but to no avail. Finally, at the insistence of a family friend, they decided to enroll their son in a private Catholic school.
After the first day, the boy's parents were surprised when he walked in after school with a stern, focused and very determined expression on his face, and went right past them straight to his room, where he quietly closed the door. For nearly two hours he toiled away in his room - with math books strewn about his desk and the surrounding floor. He emerged long enough to eat, and after quickly cleaning his plate, went straight back to his room, closed the door, and worked feverishly at his studies until bedtime.
This pattern continued ceaselessly until it was time for the first quarter report card. The boy walked in with his report card -- unopened -- laid it on the dinner table and went straight to his room. Cautiously, his mother opened it, and to her amazement, she saw a bright red "A" under the subject of MATH. Overjoyed, she and her husband rushed into their son's room, thrilled at his remarkable progress.
"Was it the nuns that did it?", the father asked. The boy only shook his head and said, "No."
"Was it the one-on-one tutoring? The peer-mentoring?" "No."
"The textbooks? The teachers? The curriculum?" -
"Nope," said the son "but on that first day, when I walked in the front door and saw that guy they nailed to the 'plus sign,' I just knew they meant business!"

#### Practical Math:

A mathematican stands puzzled at the Xerox machine and complains:
"I set it to 'Single Sided Copy', and now it comes out as a Moebius Strip!"

#### Math convention:

"I'm staying in a fancy hotel and they're having a convention. It's a convention of mathematicians and they've done it up real nice. My room number is Pi. It's easy to remember but it takes forever to call me on the house telephone."
- Billy Martin

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